I went on a 2 of 3 hour walk round the city of Bristol today.
I say 2 or 3 hours because I didnt time myself lol
A brisk walk through Victoria Park, along the river, through the harbourside, up to College green where I reminisced about the magnificent aniti lockdown that happened there and gave me eerie vibes.
Then back aloneside Broadmeade, up back through Bedminster and collapsed in a heap in the purple chair.
I started going for a walk everyday during the first lockdown, it was glorious sunshine and I was fultime furloughed.
This time round I have worked and its been a bit bitey out there to go for a walk. I dont mind walking in rain as a note to add i rather enjoy it. it is also less enjoyable shuffling through the crowded streets of bristol as everyone and all thier dogs have te same idea!
So anyway on my walk a felt a surge of new found confidence, i was wearing my army green top and felty cardigan.
I quite enjoyed sitting for a while by the harbour, crosslegged and listenign to music in my earphones. A song came on that reminded me of Alex and I felt sad for a little bit. I loved him for how adventurous he was. we were always going somewhere together, merry madness. He was that excitable hobbit. And now I have nobody to fill th void. And i dont go anywhere unless i go by myself. which isnt so bad but its just not the same.
SO as i was walking a feather landed on me (a white feather is a good luck symbol, that the angels are telling you you are on the right cuorse. to relax).
Someone told me once or I read it somewhere that angels can only talk toyou when you listen, what this means is when your mind is switched off their voices will come through. You need to either engage meditation or do something strenuous outside for this to happen.
I saw a Magpie for what felt lke the first time this year – MAgpies are personally for me a sumymbol of journey.
As I got home and poured myself a drink with Ice (im cheating keto again, as i think its fucking my serotinin levels and gicing me anxiery attacks0 but anyway thats anothr subject and something im still researchig atm.
I realised that my path is deliberate. i crave adventure, something to happen in my life. i felt recently that my life is pants without alex, and ive missed the fun. but today i realised – that looking backwards is no fun either. My life is preparing itself for the next big adventure – a farmhouse, a marriage, a homestead, a child, a new lifestyle.
And its not about the person who wil bring that forthin my life either, because i dont ultimately know who that will be and my life wont be about them either.
Although i have some bets im hedging, and the angels told me not to worry and to bw patient. For I already know whats true : )
But anyway i have some work to do to prepare myself for this next stage of life that will take off soon as we come into spring and then summer – growth, activity, life and blooming..
In the meantime im going to practise neing in the moment and not worrying about so much.. my room is a tip, thw lounge need a hoover but i dont care – im watchig sixth sense, some horro movies and then im going to rder some MAZZINGGGG food in!