Projects and Future Pacing- a self indulgent pity party

Projects and Future Pacing- a self indulgent pity party

My mind is racing at hundred miles an hour, Im too caught up in the future again.. desperately running from one side of the cage to the other trying to find a wormhole to take me there.

I dont like the present, its wierd I never really have enjoyed the moment. I find it very hard. Like I have a cataract preventing me from turign my brain off.

It causes me to feel invisible a lot of the time. Of course being single will do that anyway, same with living alone.

My housemate tried to chat with me this evening, he complimented my hair and even my crazy outfit. Big pink pyjama bottoms, a long pink pyjama top and a fuzzy blue jumper – he called it preppy, I call it madness and cosiness.

My uncle is whatsapp videoing me but I really dont want to talk to him or anyone else right now. Ive got the loners..

Lonesy just like Leprosy causes a burst of alienation from everyone around you.

Adam was trying to hold a conversation but I just had nothing to say to him.

A was trying to enthuse me into doing stuff in the grup when he collected the pan. for a fleeting moment I felt enthused.. like my energy had been liftedf

and then I settled back like a bunch of mouldy mildewed dead leaves into th gutter.

I just want to be held today… but only by someone who understands me deeply.

Not very productive or uplifting Sarah sorry… I just have this overwhelming sense of time ticking but there being nothing going on. I thinnk can feel people and spring awakening.

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