Under lock and key
I so desperately crave to be with the people but despite how much i try i cant be.. i am not one of them
I get stares, yesterday …
I got so frustrated by spendig or wastig yet anotgher misrable fridya night alone and tired that i went to see the bristol protests.
I DONT support whatver bullshit they were protesting, i just craved the atmosphere.. the excitement, the release of energy, the distraction.
I ended up cold, miserable, still alone .. well until I stated talking to an old man about his life. THe old man didnt support the protests either funnily enough.. so the twenty something girl and the old man stood there watching life live itslef out..
except the young girl is supposed to have her own life .. not reminiscing about when she used to have one.
Talkkng to my friend Catherine today, one guy is giving the shoulder, one is busy with work and shes driving to a friends house..
all i can say is that its been 7 months without so much as a hug, and im afraid
afraid of what my life is becoming
bank balance hitting 0 before the 1st week of the month is over, no boyfriend, only one friend who bothers with me, work getting more demanding than ever.
im going to incel myself into an early grave, i can feel it
a princess locked away in the highest room of the tallest tower in a castle tucked away on a mountain surrounded by lava and a beardy dragon guarding her.
princess i hear you say – isnt that a bit vain?
well no not really
im no supermodel but i know im not ugly, im not insanely overweight…
i am well educated, im clever, im witty
im nice, mellow, good natured
im understanding, flexible, patient
im fairly middle class,
so why am i here in this situation
i dont deserve to be here
in the week i saw a student with a month old baby – i was so nice to her and she was devastatingly nasty back to me. itreally hurt my feelings. its hard enough seeing a newborn baby nowadays. its like a thousand needles jabbed into your heart all at once
oh i give up i give up
i give up on my diet – i cant do keto, the moodswings are horrific
i give up on my gerbils – theyve kept me up at night despite trying to tame them, and they either ignore me or spemd all their time trying ti escape
i give up on the hope of being held in someones arms, of being kissed, of having someone want to spend their life with me
for the start of spring, it looks pretty bleak